Battle-Axe Blanche has major fall

Corrie superstar, Blanche Hunt (played by Maggie Jones) has had a ghastly fall in the hotel where she lives close to the world famous Coronation Street set.

Blanche Hunt seen here with son-in-law Ken Barlow celebrating the millenium

Everyones favourite grumbling Granny howled as she fell down the stairs to the shock of hotel staff. Blanche suffered horrific shoulder and knee injuries, but managed to get up and even hop to the set of Britains oldest TV soap, scared she might interrupt filming. Jonathan Hillman of The National Blanche Hunt Fan Club said "I was shocked, im still finding it hard to speak now. I hope shes back on her feet as soon as possible, and considers taking the lift instead of the stairs next time".

Shoely not - Oprah has 6th toe

Stepping out in a delightful pair of flip flops, heres Oprah out and about with an extra addage. Is it an alien? is this little piggy? No its a 6th toe.

Fig roll shortage - Citizens live in fear - Panic buying reported - Claims some figs are poisoned

Fig rolls, everyones fruity friends maybe be rationed after poison has been found on figs imported to Britain. The toxin called aflatoxin can cause liver problems including liver cancer. As well as this drought in Turkey has killed off loads of wasps which fertilise the fig roll trees, meaning few fig rolls can be produced. The home of posh nosh Sainsburys even told customers to expect fewer figs. Stock up on your rolls and panic buy now, things may get worse.

Aflatoxin information - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aflatoxin
News article - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=561074&in_page_id=1770

Roxy in sex romp on cocaine

Roxy Mitchell (30) has been found to be having private relations with the man we cannot wait to see the back of, local thug and violent criminal Sean Slater. Here for the corker - Its reported that Sean is also a major dealer of Class A drugs. Roxy Mitchell, current Barmaid of the year award winner is a recovering cocaine addict. The dinner plate eyed harlot has been seen staggering round threatening neighbours and according to Gus Smith, Sean's flatmate "He's been sleeping with that girl Roxy and he's pushing me around, telling me he killed my dog Wellard. He even shagged my Missus".

Coke dealing Thug - Sean Roxy - Drug fueled and violent

There have been reports that Sean Slater, was recently fired in a drugs shocker from local club R&R, after dealing cocaine and horse tranquilizer ketamine to locals including his sister Stacey Slater who later overdosed on Liquid Ecstasy drug GHB.

Pupils dilated, Roxy spotted here on coke.

Breaking News: Kirk gets a girlfriend, but its NOT Fiz! Plus Blanche gets her hair done, and the birth of the POWERHUG!

As you might of seen, Bombshell Blanche has been seen sporting a sexy barnet, pictured here with a rare smile special for the camera.
Blanche, fresh out of the hairdressers after some fuss with Audrey, came into the Rovers Return for her usual pint of Sherry, went up to Harry, and yelled smuggly: - "Yes. Yes I have!"
Harry, (ex Bad Girls crooner Jim Fenner) looked at her perplexed, sputting "Eh?"
Sexpot Blanche smiled: "Had me hair done."
Harry then made the one liner "Quickly Oh, I thought you'd come on your moped!" sending Blanche back to Deidree's to get her sherry fix with the usual bitter frown.

Roy comes a cropper to the power of Becky's powerhugs. The chain smoking ex-criminal goes further to show us her new peaceful ways. In a shocker to local entreprenur Roy Cropper, shes seen groping our Roy, to which he pushes her away saying "No Becky, no more powerhugs."

Hazel Returns

Heather Trott awoke this morning looking like a dead rabbit...

...hungover having been upto animal naughtiness seen here with one night stand Shaun the Sheep, or is it Minty?

Shaun the Sheep or...

...Minty?

Answers on postcards please.

There certainly wasn't anything minty about the air, seems Heather got a bit sweaty last night...

...or maybe she even had a bout of the trotts, Heather certainly looked off colour.

Evil Hazel, AKA one the two Julies makes a brief appearance from Bad Girls

...she asks Minty to marry her instead of Heather, and he says yes, but later changes his mind as the wedding is in the evening and Hazel is only on day release from Larkhall. Heather, thinking its all over between her and Minty gets on the first bus to nearest McDonalds to cheer herself up... much to her surprise Minty gets on and tells her the wedding still on, but they agree go have a McDonalds first to celebrate anyway.